Puppy Love

"For the past two weeks, every time I call Dad he says he's running out the door." "He does seem to be tight lipped about his activities." Ira and Michael were trying to figure out what was up with Jacob when the door bell rang. It was Aaron.

"What's up with your Grandfather these days?" ira prodded. Aaron started to smile and then offered, "What do you mean?" It was obvious that Aaron had turned into Jacob's accomplis. He also lost his poker face. "I'm not supposed to say anything."

Both Ira and Michael crossed their arms and gave Aaron the look. The same look that Rebecca had developed to an art form. "Okay, but don't say anything, okay?" Ira and Michael smiled and agreed. It appeared that Jacob and his next door neighbor Lois had been keeping company. How serious could it be, Jacob had not even mentioned it - then Ira started to smile, "my Dad is Dating?!?"

"Remember, you promised you wouldn't say anything," Aaron said nervously. And they wouldn't.

A couple of weeks later, Jacob and Lois stopped by after dinner. Ira hadn't seen his Dad that happy in years. Regardless of where it went, one thing was for sure, after taking such great care of Rebecca, he deserved some happiness. Both Ira and Michael were happy for him.

The First Seder - Not Traditional

Ira was preparing for their first Passover Seder for Jacob, Aaron, Michael and himself. There were lots of first as to why this night was different than all other nights. It was Aaron's first Seder. The first time all four were together for a meal in Ira and Michael's home, The first family meal prepared since Ira began his new eating plan and did not want to subject his family to anything but a great evening with great food.

Michael could sense the tension, "It's gonna be great!" "How can I make a Passover meal without matzo meal?" "You'll find a way," as Michael rubbed Ira's head.

Four hours later, the doorbell rang. Michael ushered in Jacob and Aaron. "Something smells wonderful," Jacob announced. "Don't expect too much," Ira replied. The three just looked at each other until Michael smiled, "He just wanted the dinner to be perfect." "He inherited that from his mother," Jacob smiled.

Ira had a beautiful Seder Plate with horseradish (bitter herbs), symbolizing the bitterness and harshness of the slavery which the Jews endured in Egypt. Charoset (apples, honey and nuts) representing the mortar used by the Jewish slaves to build the storehouses of Egypt. Parsley dipped in salt water, mirrors the pain felt by the Jewish slaves in Egypt, who could only eat simple foods. A chicken wing bone representing the Passover sacrifice. A hard boiled egg a symbol of mourning of the first sacrifice in Egypt.

Everyone sat down and Ira poured the Mogan David wine. Next to the Seder Plate was a stack of matzo and one piece of manna bread for Ira. Ira handed out 3 kippahs (scull caps) put one his on his head and the others followed. He then gave the blessing over the wine and everyone drank. He grabbed the matzo plate, took his manna bread and instructed everyone to take a piece of matzo. After the blessing, everyone took a bite. "Do you have any extra Charoset?" Jacob asked, I like that on my matzo. Ira was prepared and brought a big bowl.

Aaron asked "What is so special about Passover" Before Jacob could answer, Ira said, "When Pharaoh sentenced the first born of Israel to be sacrificed, God sent death to the first born of Egypt. The Jews put lambs blood on the doors of each home so that death would 'pass over' the first born of Israel. After this plague, Pharaoh released the Jews from bondage." Jacob looked at his son as if for the first time, he could not have been prouder.

The rest of the meal was good, but paled in comparison to the question and answer between father and son.

Did Someone say WERK!?!

Without an education, Aaron's search for the perfect job is somewhat limited. Working for a gardener, busing tables at a pizza parlor, serving fast food at a hamburger joint, parking cars all proved to be disappointments. Finally a games arcade peaked his interest. Aaron was fascinated with video machines. But a career required an education and he hadn't even graduated high school.

He decided to talk to Ira about his offer. Ira was thrilled, and extremely supportive. Both he and Michael helped him prepare for his GED test. Aaron sometimes felt he was with Professor Higgins and Colonel Pickering, but when he passed his test, it was all worth it.

After exploring various local colleges and universities, Aaron chose The Art Institute in Los Angeles for Video Gaming Design and Programming. Aaron was accepted for Mid Term (with a little help from Ira and Michael). Aaron felt pride and excitement for the first time. He valued the opportunity Ira and Michael made possible.

The Mother, the Son, and the Ghosts

It was hard for Ira Stone to believe that Aaron Lane was his son after his ex-wife Phyllis told him she had relations with his father. After all, Aaron had Jacob's Mezuzah. It was almost impossible to reconcile with Jacob, there had been a lifetime of hurt and disappointment on both sides, but Ira needed some closure. How ever it went, Ira had managed to rebuild his life after his stroke, and nothing could invalidate that.

Jacob came over one day, not expecting ghosts from the past to rise again, but they did. In a volatile exchange with Ira, this father and son reached an understanding. It would take a lot of work, but for the first time everything was on the table and it wasn't hidden behind irreconcilable expectations.

Ira came to accept that Aaron was his son. A bit of research on Nexus Lexis gave him insight as to how broken he really was. Phyllis's years of drug and alcohol abuse, violent relationships, felonies, suicide attempts, etc. There was no question that Aaron learned his behavior from example.

Aaron's counselor arranged a group session for Ira, Michael, Jacob and Aaron. It was important to begin healing everyone's wounds. The ghosts needed to be buried in order for a healthy multi-generational reconciliation to begin. Everyone would be responsible for building trust if this family was to begin functioning. To start, Ira offered Aaron the opportunity to continue his education. Ira recognized that this might have been a bit premature for Aaron, and allowed him to be the architect of his own life, supporting him in any way he could. And that is the greatest gift any father can give his son.

Fathers and Sons?!?

The California Supreme Court's Proposition 8 Decision created another subclass of the Gay and Lesbian Community. Those that were married during the prior year's window before Proposition 8 passed would continue to be married, however, no new same sex marriages could be performed. This was bitter/sweet for Ira and Michael. They were still legally married, but their friends who wanted to get married could not.

Jacob lost any tolerance he had for Ira and Michael once the California Supreme Court announced it's decision. There was very little communication until Rebecca's One Year Dedication. Jacob was furious that Michael came to the Cemetery. Ira had lost all hope that he and his father would ever reconcile their differences.

The trip home was silent. Michael tried to soften the days events but Ira was just so tired of never feeling good enough. Once home they were greeted by a stranger. That stranger turned out to be Aaron Lane, Phyllis Lane's son. Apparently while Ira and Michael began their life together after the divorce, Phyllis' life spiraled into drug and alcohol abuse. Aaron was born after his father moved away.

The combination of Aaron's anger and rage along with the disillusion of Ira's remaining relationship with his own father and two volatile meetings caused Ira to have a stroke. As always, Michael was there to support the love of his life in any way he could.

Lost and Found and Lost Again.

What a validation to hear "By the power vested in me by the State of California I pronounce you legally married." Ira and Michael went to the Beverly Hills Courthouse and exchanged their vows in front of a few friends followed by an open house where nearly 100 well wishers gave their support. It was no surprise that although he was invited, Jacob never showed. He did mail, email and left voice messages regarding the campaign for Proposition 8 following the wedding.

In October, Ira had his last visit with his Mom. Her eyes were closed and she looked so peaceful. He held her hand, kissed it, and told her it was okay to let go. "Nothing Bad is going to happen, I promise" he told her. She died the next day.

The funeral was beautiful, as was Rebecca's life. The Rabbi was able to capture her essence and even read an essay that she had written about love before her stroke. Jacob had asked Ira to give the eulogy and was touched by his description of his Mother's life. He even credited his Father for the years of tireless caregiving and devotion he gave his wife.

Within a few weeks after the funeral, Ira's and Jacob's relationship returned to normal. In fact, when Proposition 8 passed, there was no none was more delighted than Jacob Stone. He reveled in the thought that all 18,000 same sex marriages that were performed in months prior, were in threat of being valid.

Home Sweet Home ... NOT!

Those famous words "We always talk about remodeling the house, let's just do-it!" are not easy words to process. Michael left Ira in charge, being the creative one in the house. There were probably at least 100 drawings, color charts, building material catalogs and samples and finally when Ira was ready to pull the last few hairs out of his head, Michael said, "I like it!"

Preparing plans and filing for permits was the next stage. Naturally, the Department of Building and Safety like Father 'knows best!" Two months of engineering consultants, compromise, alterations and compliance and finally the plans were approved. There was only going to be one wall left standing, the North wall. Everything was new: plumbing, heating/air conditioning, electrical, gas, windows/doors, roof, kitchens/baths, garage, guesthouse, landscaping, and more.

A neighbor had suggested their general contractor who ended up being hired for the year long project. Ira and Michael would often say "A woman could never live through this mess!" That plus no privacy was almost impossible. One early Saturday morning, debris fell on the happy couple while sleeping. They both opened their eyes at the same moment, only to discover the roof was gone and one of the workman was waving hello. At this point, Ira moved his home office to a little space a mile away.

It was hardly worth it to take a shower. Both Ira and Michael would have to walk outside and go into the guesthouse bathroom (the only working bathroom). Walk through dirt and dust (or mud if it had been raining) and get dress looking worse than before the shower. Sheana didn't have it easy either. Her whole world was turned upside down.

But at the end, it was totally worth it. It was more than was expected. A great place for friends and family. The house could even accommodate 10 people for overnight including Ira and Michael. It was a great place to entertain and the guys had many opportunities to do so.